No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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