We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
