Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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