apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
