Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.

Fav 18 1084 3390
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(614): View more from Ohio

over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?

Fav 13 2978 1003
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(281): View more from Texas

I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.

Fav 16 5169 1255
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(815): View more from Illinois

I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?

Fav 13 4310 1724
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(812): View more from Indiana

I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.

Fav 6 3434 1131
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(618): View more from Illinois

We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket

Fav 4 2152 948
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(512): View more from Texas

I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?

Fav 6 832 1808
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(509): View more from Washington

hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.

Fav 3 852 402
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Dick is dick

(908): View more from New Jersey

Look decision making is not my specialty

(908): View more from New Jersey

Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns

Fav 0 7 41
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