a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
