Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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