if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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