i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
