I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
