i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't think brook has ever known best
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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