if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Even my vagina gasped.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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