Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
