Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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