i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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