I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she peed on how many people?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
