wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
