so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
