I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
