from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
