Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
