You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
