just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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