Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
