where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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