Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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