dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
