im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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