im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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