4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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