I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
