I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize