She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
