I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize