Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
