I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
