I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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