Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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