Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
