Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
