Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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