hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
