drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize