last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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