Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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