I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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