You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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