I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
