I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
