Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
