Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
