we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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