Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
