I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think a kid would responsible me up
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
