Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
