Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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