Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
