just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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