I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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