Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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