wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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