I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
