That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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