just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize