he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize