You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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