maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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