i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
